Friday, April 27, 2012

Teeny-Weeny Monokini

[Heading off for vacation! Follow our adventures in Morocco, in which Family by the Seine tries not to get lost in the (funky cold) medina, in the desert on a horse with no name, at midnight at the oasis, or while rocking the kasbah. You can also sign up there to follow by e-mail. Postings from France will restart in mid-May].


We have friends in town from San Francisco, and since they have been to Paris many times and done all the tourist spots, and since it is a rainy gray day, and because the 11-year old girl has very fond memories of this activity from a trip here when she was just 6, we head out to Aquaboulevard. It's a huge indoor-outdoor waterpark for ages 3 and up, and it costs a small fortune (naturally), but it is really something to see.

photos from: http://www.sejour-paris.net/2011/08/24/aquaboulevard-de-paris/ and http://www.snelac.com/les-sites-de-loisirs/aquaboulevard-de-paris

As soon as we get in, Anthony looks around and notes that he is the only man or boy in site in board-shorts. I tease him that if we live in France long enough, he may have to go buy one of the tiny, tight Speedo-style suits the men wear here. They come in two varieties: banana-hammock and shorts so small I have taken to calling them teeny-weeny monokinis. He looks at me and says, pointedly and very sincerely, "You will NEVER see me in one of those." Flash-forward about five minutes, and I look up to see him walking toward me in his new Euro-metrosexual bathing suit.


There are numerous signs that long shorts are not allowed, and that everybody must be in a bathing suit, but the girl at the desk has told us she thinks Anthony's American-style suit will be acceptable. The lifeguards and staff in charge of the pool itself disagree, however, and they bust him within minutes. So, he leaves us in the pool area and heads over to the vending machines, where he agonizes for a few moments deciding between sizes and coming back with something that leaves little to the imagination. We are all curious why the insistence on tight suits for men (and not just here, but at all public pools in France); they claim it's for hygienic purposes, but that doesn't explain it adequately, as we can't figure out why board shorts would be unhygienic. Perhaps it's just a fashion aversion to bagginess? Macho exhibitionist desires?

Aquaboulevard has a rope swing, seven big water slides that are currently open (with four more closed along with the outdoor portion of the park for winter). For one of the slides -- the favorite of our girls and visiting friend, ages 6, 8 and 11 -- we crowd into a huge green raft which takes us through a mighty chilly outdoor portion before depositing us back indoors. It is not just fast for the kids; even Anthony and I are whooping it up.

photos from: http://www.offi.fr/enfants/aquaboulevard-1415.html and http://www.epitech.eu/olympiades-ionis-2009-art746.html

There's a vertiginous slide no children under twelve are allowed on, and I am happy we don't ignore the warning in our usual way, as it so fast and steep, neither Anthony nor I can even keep our eyes open. There's a wave pool, a wakeboarding pool (too old for our crew), hottubs, and much more, all with generously heated water. Amazingly, other than a few signs stating that children under twelve are the responsibility of the mandatory accompanying adult, there are no signs warning you away from activities if you are pregnant, old, immuno-compromized, left-handed, in a foul mood, etc. There are no signs telling you that you could be hurt, maimed, injured, or in any way harmed by these activities. We sign no waivers, and there are not even lifeguards regulating the top of the slides -- just red and green lights, which each person miraculously obeys (this is not, actually, typically French of them). There are signs showing you not to go head-first, or telling how many people are allowed in each kind of inner-tube, and they assume you are both smart enough and law-abiding enough to follow them. To an American, this is an oasis of common sense, self-awareness, self-responsibility, and non-litigiousness. The only thing they seem to overregulate is men's attire. Let's see that one more time:


All of this aquatic fun can be had for 28 per adult and 15per child (and a few more euro for the teeny-weeny monokini) at the front desk. It appears after-the-fact that there may be a family pass (2 adults and 2 kids) for just 52, but it's not offered to us and is unclear whether this needs to be bought online in advance or, the next time, we need to know enough to ask for it explicitly. Needless to say, this time we do not know, and they charge us 86 ($113) for the family of four.

We are there for about two-three hours before we are purple-lipped and starving. The day gets a huge thumbs up from all involved. On our way out, P states emphatically that Aquaboulvard is way better than Disneyland. Then she reflects a moment and qualifies, "well, way better than Disneyland Paris."



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