Class Kidney Bean

Gigi comes home from school one day and tells me, "Ugh. There's this boy in my class. And I just want to punch him."

Somebody bullying her? Teasing her? No, she wants to punch the chouchou, or teacher's pet -- a little boy I'll call Agnan in honor of the character made famous in le Petit Nicolas stories.

So Gigi tells me about this nauseating boot-licker, ass-kisser, brown-noser, or, in French, "fayot", which literally means "kidney bean" but is used here as slang. "Ugh," Ginger groans. "We started reading out our book reports today. And after every single student reads, he raises his hand to comment. Then when the teacher calls on him, he tilts his head, puts his finger on his chin, and says the same thing every time: 'C'est très tentant...'" ("That's very tempting...") Within days, she reports that she and the other kids who sit in the desks surrounding Agnan have taken to raising their hands and using this exact same comment if called upon. Agnan then moans and lowers his hand so dramatically that even the teacher has tried to put a stop to it. I guess the desire to poke fun at the chouchou is très tentant, indeed.

He's the kid who tells the other kids to be quiet in the stairwell and frequently gets the class clown in trouble by playing the victim. Whenever anybody accuses him of being the teacher's pet, Gigi reports that he does this horrible fake acting thing and looks around saying, "Who, moi? Teacher's Pet?! No..." The kids, of course, mean this as a mortal insult, but Agnan takes it as high praise.

Gigi adds, "Every time Agnan talks, even when he's talking to other kids, he looks at the teacher to see if she's paying attention to him. Yuck. It just makes me want to throw up."

The funniest part is that it's not exactly like my bespectacled, bookworm of a daughter is a wild rebel. But nothing makes her more aggravated than watching Agnan polish the teacher's apples.

In case you've never read Le Petit Nicolas, it's easy to spot Agnan in this Sempe illustration above. While all the other children are running around wreaking havoc and enjoying themselves on their field trip, Agnan stands demurely with his teacher and contemplates the art. What a kidney bean.